Top 10 Rules if You’re Dating a Jewish Woman on Valentine’s Day

Jewish Wedding Photo 300x198 Top 10 Rules if Youre Dating a Jewish Woman on Valentines Day

Visualize the Chuppah.

Let’s face it guys. Valentine’s Day is a woman’s holiday. As in, the show-the-woman-that-you’re-dating-engaged-or-married-to-that-she’s-the-one holiday.*

Again. Because it doesn’t matter that you show her you love her every other day.

No woman remembers how many times you cooked for her,washed the dishes, put the kids to sleep, or rubbed her back when February 14th comes around. Call it media exploitation and a Hallmark Holiday, but you’re stuck. You have to do SOMETHING for Valentine’s Day.

And if you’re dating a Jewish woman? Let’s just say there are a few rules you should keep in mind when preparing your special something for Valentine’s Day.

    1. Jewesses are planners.

So let us know ahead of time that you’re planning something because otherwise we’ll (naturally) start freaking out, and perhaps (G-d forbid) suggest something for us to do on V-day, which spoils the whole fun of YOU thinking of the something special.

    2. Nu, plan something we’ll remember.

It doesn’t have to be elaborate, or even cost anything. Just give us something we’ll remember a week, a month, a year from now. Sign the two of us up for a couples’ cooking class, or make dinner at home. Or go to the closest flower garden, hold our hands amidst the roses and remind us why you love us.

Whatever. You’re creative, you can do this. That’s one of the reason your hot Jewess loves you.

    3. If you’re going to go all out, be smart.

Know your Jewess. Is she a theater goer? A jazz lover? A sports fan? Pick an evening activity and you will like and she will love. Don’t buy the best seats to a hockey game when you know your lady will be scanning the exits the entire time.

A top-notch restaurant can never hurt.

    4. Forget the chocolate.

Even if your fabulous Jewess is not a yoga mama, or a health food conscious co-op member, she’s still trying to steer away from increasing the size of her hips. We’re already a bit more deliciously curvy than the average female – help us show it off, not boost it in ways we’d rather not.

    5. Which brings me to, lingerie.

Bring it on. But either buy your Jewess something you know she’ll like, or buy her a gift card to Victoria’s Secret and go shopping together. If you just started dating, skip this one. If she’s for real, you’ll have many more years to explore these type of gifts.

    6. Don’t buy her something practical.

Yes, she needs a new suit for work. And she ran out of her favorite hair gel. But this is not the time to get her those kind of things. Jewesses are resourceful. We can get those things for ourselves.

And don’t get anything for the Kitchen – new pots/plans/knives, etc. She knows you love her food, but those gifts aren’t romantic. Buy her the kitchen stuff next week instead.

    7. For pricey gifts, know your lady.

When it comes to nice gifts, jewelry is a good bet, unless you’re scrimping and saving this year and buying luxuries will make your Jewess freak out. Art is also lovely, if you know she’s a big fan of a certain artist; otherwise it could be risky, especially if no returns are allowed.

If you can, buy your jewelry from TC Jewfolk’s Amazon.com store so we get a percentage (4-10%) of your Valentine’s Day love. We’ve picked out a few pieces we think she’ll like.

    8. A big card goes a long way.

Have you seen the cards at Blockbuster? They’re like 2 feet long. We’re a people of hand gestures and loud talking – we want a card that screams I love you! Other big things (like large bouquets or helium teddy bear balloons) are also good ideas. Use caution on whether to send large things to her work – yes, if she’s a waitress, no, if she’s a lawyer.

    9. Flowers.

So simple. They make us feel womanly. They smell good. Especially roses. Red ones. Don’t hold back, but realize that these days, you can get a stunning bouquet at Bachman’s or any flower shop for $20 (maybe less). Isn’t your Jewess worth it?

    10. Think of your Bubbe.

Your Bubbe wants to see you with this Jewess under the chuppah and happily forever after, nu?  So show your girlfriend/wife/fiance that you know that this silly, goyishe holiday means something to her, and that – above all – she means something incredibly special to you.

Let us know your suggestions for dating Jewish women on Valentine’s Day in the comments. And ladies – let me know if I’m missing any critical rules!

Have a sexy, romantic, and memorable holiday.

(Photo: Vicki Wolkins Photography)

*FYI – BIG CAVEAT to this post. I realize that this post is heterosexist. If you’re a gay or lesbian Jew reading this post, please let us know what this holiday means – or doesn’t mean – to you. Especially when so many of the messages around Valentine’s Day are about guys and their ladies, Jewesses or not. I can only write about what I know, as a straight female Jewess. So I hope you all chime in too.

About Leora Itman

Leora Maccabee Itman is the President of Jewfolk Media, Inc. and founder of TCJewfolk.com. She is a litigation attorney at Maslon, Edelman, Borman, and Brand, LLP in Minneapolis, and lives in Hopkins with her husband and baby.

Comments. Add Yours!

16 comments

  1. <>

    So NOT true. Home-cooked meals, dishwasher empties, laundry washing/drying/folding/putting away *ALWAYS* trumps a card or gift on <3 Day. It's not even close.

    So I add #11: Know Thy Jewess. We are not cookie cut from the same slab of fondant.

  2. I’m curious; what makes any of these particularly good for Jewish women as opposed to any other type of woman? In my opinion, every partner should enjoy something memorable and romantic on Valentine’s Day. Every partner should be considered individually and be treated as such, you know what I mean? None of these strike me as being particularly Jewish per se.

  3. I agree with the addition of #11 as I’m a big no to items like flowers or anything pricey…I’m the practical, planning Jewess. I don’t need a big card or a dinner out…anything routine will become special if it includes a happy valentines day statement. I will remember the smallest act on this day and what I want most of all is for my partner to say I love you.

  4. Finally, someone else is out there telling it like it is. Speak your mind, I love it!

  5. Valentine’s Day, or more correctly SAINT Valentine’s Day, is a Catholic holiday. True Jewesses don’t celebrate it. Ask an Israeli.

  6. My girlfriend, an Israeli, does celebrate it.
    Even while quite aware of the Saint part.
    We celebrate Tu b’Av, too. (We like that one more.)

    I also want to comment on Leora’s # 1 — Jewesses are planners. I wonder how universal that is… It has been true of most Jewesses I’ve known.
    I wonder whether there’s something about being Jewish woman that causes it. Or being a smarter, or better educated, or higher-socioeconomic-class (as they tend to be) woman?

  7. ML: I’m tempted to think that we’re drawing a distinction between the holiday’s ecclesiastic roots and its modern, secular practice. I don’t think there’s a single hint of “saint” anything in Valentine’s Day anymore, to be honest; at least in the US it’s nigh unto totally commercial.

  8. Kosher wine. Where’s the good Kosher wine? I’m in Western Wisconsin… I’d give anything for Kosher wine that I’m not tempted to put on my pancakes.

    I really don’t enjoy this holiday. It’s a hallmark big foot disguised in roses and chocolate covered coconut (my favorite).

    I’d rather just make Tu B’Shevat longer. Or Purim sooner. Or Mardi Gras… Jewish.

    Kol Tuv

    Boondock Jewess

  9. I’m a Jewess, and all I wanna say is…THIS IS SO TRUE! Everything on here is so perfectly what I want on V-day, and let me tell you, I am a Jewess.

  10. Wow. So much to respond to. 1st to April’s question of why is this list Jewish? I guess these things apply to many women, but the (stereotypical) Jewess fits many of them – planning, big guestures, smart, beautiful… :)

    To Cantor Penny’s point about whether the every-day loving things trump V-day gifts, I guess that’s not really the point. Our ideal mate does both, right? He (or she) shares (equally, in my ideal book) the day-to-day drudge of cooking, cleaning, shlepping, etc, and then also goes all out when I need a pick me up, whether that be b-days or v-days.

    And total b.s. about true Jewesses not celebrating this holiday. Jewesses get double – Tu B’Av in the summer, and V-day in Winter.

    And I do have to say that my bar none favorite thing to do on February 14th, coupled or uncoupled will always be to see the Vagina Monologues, or even better to act in the show. That is the coolest, sexiest thing to do on V-day, and was my Valentine’s Day celebration (heck, it was the month of February) every year in college. And if you have a sig other who will go see the show with you, that’s the best.

  11. Here’s my totally different perspective. Valentine’s Day is a contrived, commercial and Christian holiday. Show me the respect (as an independent Jewish woman) of realizing that this meshigas is just not my thing. In general, don’t buy me something pricey if we are a couple — that’s my money you are spending. Don’t get me lingerie– if you don’t find me exquisitely attractive in basics or nothing, that’s your problem. On this day, as any other, show that you actually get me. What’s romantic? A really gourmet dinner that you cooked. Finding my favorite obscure artist, musician or author at a nearby venue and suggesting we enjoy a night out together. Reading the New York Review of Books and bringing home a stack from the library. Fixing the light over my dressing table without needing to be asked (or, more realistically, without needing to be asked more than once). Is there anything Jewish about this? Maybe. It’s about self-respect, insight, maturity, divergence from the majority culture and a love that goes deeper than Hallmark.

  12. April hits it right on the head.

    In several blog posts in the past week, some of the bloggers (and commentators) have gone out of their way to call out the long ago retired ‘Saint’ in Valentine’s Day. For those of you still choosing to associate the holiday with Christianity – I have news for you – the Catholic Church removed Saint Valentine’s day from their calendar in 1969 during Vatican II. In other words, they decided there wasn’t enough ‘Saint’ in the holiday to continue to observe it.

    If you want to learn why it’s OK for you to celebrate Valentine’s day, I recommend this article, by Rabbi Uram: http://www.myjewishlearning.com/holidays/About_Holidays/Non-Jewish_Holidays/Valentines_Day.shtml

  13. I also forgot to point out that Tu B’Av and Valentine’s Day have a small, but important, distinction. Valentine’s Day is basically a day for couples. Tu B’Av, at least according to what I’ve read in the Talmud, is a holiday for singles.