My friend Gabe is that guy. The nice guy who everybody loves, but never seems to have any luck when it comes to women. Gabe and I have been friends since college and even made a pact when we were 22 that we would marry each other if we were still single when we were 30. (Of course, now that the milestone birthday keeps inching closer, we’ve decided that 35 is a much more reasonable age for such a huge committment). We’ve stayed in close contact and have shared our trials and tribulations via phone, email and IM, so I wasn’t terribly surprised when my IM window opened up on my screen last week and it was him.
” So, I’ve finally gotten an email back from somebody I emailed off of JDate. But…it’s kinda weird and I don’t really know how to respond.”
Even though I had taken home work for the evening and didn’t really have time to be dealing with a love life other than my own, I decided to be a good friend. I had him forward me the email so that we could dissect it together and figure out a plan of attack.
I was ready for slightly neurotic. I was not ready for lines like this:
I must first say am hapy to be here. My name is [Elizabeth] but my friend call me Sexy [Elizabeth], just to let you know the kind of woman i am….I am born & grew up in [city redacted] , I’m a final year students taking law studies but am right now with my mum in South Africa cause she was sick and i was here to take care of her before i get back to the states but unfortunately she is dead some past few months this really makes mesad and bored cause i have no more parents and i felt lonly…
My last dating was really horrible….My last ex boy friend was cheating on me i caught him chasing with another ladis since i caught him,i have vowed not to be with him..Cos he has really hurt my feelings and heart cos i was really honest to him instead….Now so much courious looking for my own real lover that G-d sent to me…
It went on and on like that. Between the tangential thoughts that zipped around the screen and the horrible grammar, I had two theories: 1) this was a seriously disturbed woman coping with the loss of both parents and who actually did feel “lonly” 2) it was the set up for some sort of scam. Either way, I knew I needed to get Gabe to stay away – as excited as he was by the prospect of getting an email from a very attractive JDate prospect (I have to admit that the pictures accompanying the email showed a model-like woman in her early 20′s).
“Babe,” I messaged back, “I hate to break it to you, but I’m pretty sure this is the set up for a scam. That or she’s absolutely nuts. Either way – you can do better.”
“Really? ” he replied.
It took a few more minutes of convincing, but in the end he agreed that he wouldn’t respond to the email. I really hope there’s somebody real out there for him and that she emails him soon…
(Photo: Dan Hankins )
Filed Under: Sex & Love