My suggested conversation with the kids about dating was meant as a one-time thing, BEFORE you have a particular “special someone” in mind. The whole issue does not need to be re-discussed every time you introduce a new friend to the kids. But I do believe that this topic needs to be addressed in general, hypothetical terms at least once after the divorce.

I definitely agree that you need to prepare the date him/her-self for what might be coming his/her way from the kids! That’s why it’s always easier for a single parents to date other single parents – they are just better prepared!

An example:

1)”I invited a friend over for dinner.”

VERY different than

2) “Children, sometimes mommy/daddy meets someone they think is pretty special, and we would like all the special people in our lives to get to know each other. I thought we could have a nice dinner together. Now, just because this person is here doesn’t mean they’ll always be here, but it might mean that. So, don’t get attached or ask if we’re getting married tomorrow, because Friend and I haven’t discussed those matters yet.”

“I’m sorry- what time am I seeing the therapist?” Don’t add crazy karmic weight to meeting people, children will take that advice with them everywhere; developing minds tend to go global with application. No matter your age, your children’s age, all people understand without detailed explaination that some friends we see more often than others. Some friends we only chat with in cyberspace, a precious few become a true part of us.

Might be better to prep Friend with, “be ready for anything, children are fearless when asking questions and don’t attach feelings (outside of personal curiousity) to what they say.” This statement will be true up until your children are about 20 years old. They don’t care about putting their parent or paren’t Friend (regardless of their relationship) on the spot. In some cases, they will do it on purpose, just to try and get a rise out of you.

Assure Friend that they can answer, or dodge answering, in whatever way is comfortable for them. Remind children (and prying adults for that matter) in the event of uncomfortable topics arising, not everything is their business and redirect them into talking about something else, such as a hobby, sport or music in which they are involved.

Bottom line, you are an adult, and you will not need to justify ANY of what you do to ANYONE when you hold yourself to the standard of “choices made for the highest good” and stop looking back. Your children and friends of all kinds will pick up on that confidence and deflate the bubble of fear and lack created with by the insecurities of “will this choice/person be right?”

Technically, you are already answering yourself. You don’t trust it is, but you’re hoping to be convinced otherwise, and in fact are relying on the other person to help make it so. Highly recommend not dating until you have the confidence within yourself to make conscious decisions YOU believe in. You won’t always be “right” but with self-confidence you will always remain agile.

But to answer your question, I think you should introduce your most recent lady as early as possible, but for only one reason… It gives my brother and I an excuse to sit and sip scotch while we mock you and your choices. And, a year or so later when you look back on that relationship with whomever the lucky lady was, you can join us in our mocking of you and your choices. Ahh, family together time.

To address the issue of your article, I have but one question as an answer to your question (Why not? A Jewish father I’m not?). When, do you think, is it the most appropriate time for the single-Jewish-parent son to meet his divorced (Who’s counting?) and dating-like-a- vildeh chaiah father’s most recent lady?