I agree that every action, every choice, is an opportunity to think about what is truly important.

I also know we will not all agree on what actually is truly important.

Is being holy what is really important? Because God is holy? Maybe.

I’m willing to come out and admit I’m bit of a Star Wars nut and a fan of Yoda-as-rabbi Jewish mindfulness. I’ve also had a bit of a crush on Heschel for years. And Albert Einstein. I want to wrestle with as much of the text as I can, not just one verse. Like Einstein, I want to know God’s thoughts (given that I also agree that the rest are details), and as presented in the window of Torah God’s thoughts are very detailed and complicated.

I agree shuls and Jewish organizations also have a responsibility to provide learning (not just discussions) about relationships (sexual and other) and I would extend the scope and suggest not only for teens and young adults, but also for people in the rest of their relational lives.

Furthermore, while it’s true many people may only think about Judaism on Pesach and Yom Kippur, I also know a lot of Jewish people who think about Judaism when they eat (even if they don’t keep kosher), when they travel on Shabbat (even if they aren’t technically keeping Shabbat), or when they walk through a door with a mezuzah on it. I also agree with you that sex – whether sexual images, sexual stereotypes, sexual language, or the actual acts of sex – is another opportunity to relate to life as a Jew. For one thing, what other option does a Jew actually have? For another, as Mara wrote, Judaism has some really cool and wise things to say.

ML,
If this is a good sell to “go and study”, then we can’t just stop with 19:2. So, here we go:

Lev. 19:2 “Speak to the entire assembly of the Children of Israel and say to them: You shall be holy, for holy am I, HaShem your God.” (translation from the Stone edition – I started with Etz Hayim but there weren’t enough citations to the commentary for me.)

Daber el kol adat, bnei yisrael vamarta aleihem k’doshim tihiyu ki kadosh ani . . . haShem, your God.

(please forgive the transliteration and correct any errors, it is my own)

While in other commandment education moment it was not required that EVERY Jew come to listen to Moses, here everyone was required to attend (Sefer HaZikaron; Panim Yafos). Everyone was bound, and everyone was bound equally. Therefore the command to be holy applies to everyone, and therefore every Jew has the potential for holiness.

Great – but what does it mean to be holy?

Rashi; Vayikra Rabbah 24:6 explains that the injunction to be holy calls upon Jews to avoid the illicit relationships described in the previous chapter, because wherever there is a separation from immorality there is holiness. Ramban maintains holiness is not limited to the observance of a particular category of commandments, but an admonition that one’s approach to all aspects of life be governed by moderation, particularly in the areas of what is permitted. (Yevamot 20a).

In either case, if we look to the previous chapter to see what was prohibited, we have to deal with the prohibitions against incest (there are many), niddah, affairs with neighbors wives, and 18:22, “You shall not lie with a man as one lies with a woman.”

For the record: I am 100% in favor of marriage equality. I am 100% supportive of healthy sexual relationships between men and women, men and men, and women and women within the context of a holy, committed, mature relationship.

I don’t agree with everything Rabbi Saks wrote/said in his Rosh HaShanah sermon, but I certainly appreciate it:

http://reformingjudaism.blogspot.com/2009/09/will-you-marry-me-jewish-view-of.html

I cannot rely only on 19:2 because in my reading 19:2 is a verse that carries with it everything in chapter 18 including 18:22.

As an academic and a teacher, any time I see a Torah-on-one-foot opportunity, I am very aware that when Hillel spoke on one foot as a teacher he very likely wanted the emphasis to be on the second part of his comment: go and learn.

Peter and ML – thank you for the invitation.

Peter, this is a great “Torah while standing on one foot.” If the rest is indeed commentary, then this statement makes a good sell to “go and study.”

Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel wrote “we have concentrated our attention upon the idea of human rights and overlooked the importance of human obligations.” It is our right – Ha-Shem does not control our actions – to choose our Jewish observance. Our obligation is not to observe in the way of our ancestors, but to join the conversation. How and why people practiced Judaism changed greatly from the Torah to the Temple to the Talmud to today, and it will always evolve. Our tradition asks us to listen and find personal meaning in observance.

While I don’t believe many people are seeking adult sexual education, I believe it is the responsibility of shuls and Jewish organizations to sponsor discussions for teens and young adults on relationships, kashrut, tikkun olam, and other topics. I also think we need to feel comfortable talking with friends and family about Jewish observance and spirituality. Many of us never think about Judaism until Pesach or Yom Kippur rolls around. The more we discuss Judaism, the more we find meaning in our lives.

I believe we should approach behavior – sexual or any other – with Leviticus 19:2 in mind: You shall be holy for I, Ha-Shem your God, am holy.” Every action, every choice, is an opportunity to think about what is truly important.

* What is it about core human experiences that make discussing them so often so divisive? I’m thinking specifically about food (kashrut/organic/local/etc.) and sex.
* Is there any genuine interest in the adult Jewish community for Jewish sex ed beyond what we learned (or didn’t) in junior high or high school? (and if there is, where would we find it)
* I don’t want to make assumptions, but I’m guessing not many people would have any idea where to go within Judaism to learn something about Jewish sexual ethics or about improving intimacy with a partner. Does anyone actually care what Judaism has to say about sex?

Meanwhile – in my analysis there is an arguable difference between positive mitzvot that could be applied to gay male relationships – including sexual relationships – and a ban on homosexuality that is not about my discomfort with and avoidance of a specific mitzvah, but rather a different perspective and different reading of the text itself. A similar distinction within Judaism can be made in reading the story of Onan, or in considering what “modesty”/tznius might actually mean. Just talking about words and semantics, I can make a solid argument that virginity doesn’t actually exist.

If a set of ethics in general refers to the rules we live by, then I think the question of how we – or any one of us – approaches sexual ethics is probably necessarily extraordinarily complicated.