This is both a completely fase and ignorant statement.

There is no “Reformed” movement and no movement that grants recogninition to just anyone (Jews for Jesus aside).

The Reform movement has a nuanced position on who is a Jews and you’d be well advised to read up on it.

Gerald: I appreciate your comments, and how open you seem to be to people who have Jewish ancestry through their father. Still, you have to understand that a very large number of Jews do have an objection to such people calling themselves Jews, and that is something that I feel the community needs to talk about. I’m not concerned with what those people think of my marriage, I’m happy and content, but I am concerned about the feelings and spiritual health of the children from Jewish fathers who are so often rejected by large swaths of the Jewish community. Yes, they could avoid telling anyone that their mother isn’t Jewish, but I don’t think that telling people to hide a part of their family and their cultural history is always reasonable. Why should they have to censor their lives in order to be welcomed? Really, if everyone was like you, and felt that it made no difference, I wouldn’t have ever thought to write this piece.

Jon: I agree, children are always a major concern. Assimilation is a huge problem in the Jewish community, and it has to be addressed. I don’t think that we can solve the problem of assimilation by simply saying that intermarriage needs to end, or that agnostic people, like my husband, should fake a belief in God. I am happy with my husband the way he is, culturally Jewish, celebrating all of the holidays and Shabbat with me, and still having the conviction of his own beliefs.

I wouldn’t want my husband to drag himself to synagogue simply to show a united front, and I think giving children an apathetic shul-going parent as an example can be damaging, certainly much more so than having an avowed agnostic who is comfortable in a religious household. When we are lucky enough to have children he’ll be there for the brit milah, for the bar/bat mitzvah, for the weddings and I will be there to take them to synagogue. The wonderful thing, at least from my perspective, is that they can grow up seeing that there is more than one way to be a Jew, culturally, religiously, even in the tribal sense, and that each of those ways is valid.

Anon: I’m glad this piece meant something to you, it’s great to think that I said something for you as well as my own family. I understand the feelings you have, that you shouldn’t have to convert to be seen as a Jew. That feeling has been echoed by so many people I have met, it breaks my heart. You have said that you are comfortable in Conservative Judaism, and I encourage you to keep making a place for yourself there, or elsewhere in the Jewish community.

Jeff: I’m glad you feel that way!

I’ll take the latter over the former any day.

Thank you so much for writing this piece. I think your “trickery”, as you call it, came from a place of love and guidance of your husband.

I too am not considered Jewish by halacha, I was born to a Jewish father and a not Jewish mother (she is spiritual not religious, more eastern leaning). However Conservative Judaism is the only religion I have ever identified with. I didn’t attend Hebrew school or become a bat mitzvah but I attended temple with my father and we (mom included) celebrated holidays at home.

I struggle with my “not technically Jewish” label and that my future children will not be considered “Jewish”. I go back and forth on the topic of “converting” but I am still undecided. I know what I believe in and have trouble understanding why I have to “legally” label myself for others to accept me. I don’t believe that G-d (the compassionate unconditionally loving one I believe in) would judge me based on something that I had no control over (my parents).

I am disappointed in people who will look down on, dismiss, or negate my Judaism because of my birth. I remind myself that G-d is the only one who gets to judge people and that my Judaism is not theirs to label. Why do some think that the faith has to be exclusionary, is there not room in Judaism for eveyone who wants to identify? I know they always will though, because after all, we are Jews and it is what we do (debate/question)!

I hope that other “non-traditional” Jews will take some peace from this and not worry so much about the labels and just keep trying to be good human beings and practicing Jews.

Thank you again for the article and the discussion it will generate.