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Dear Miriam,
I often host people I don’t know for Rosh Hashanah, either through local colleges, or people who may be new to town or otherwise don’t have a holiday meal to attend. This year, I’m wary of having strangers in my home who may have different political viewpoints. This didn’t used to be such an issue, but I’m concerned that things could get awkward, or worse, hostile. How can I balance being welcoming with protecting my peace?
Signed,
Hesitant Host
Dear Host,
Whether we’re talking about strangers, friends, family members, or colleagues, at this particular moment, anyone with whom you interact could turn out to have a viewpoint you find absolutely abhorrent. And don’t forget, your views could be just as off-putting to them.
There is an appropriate amount of self-regulation that comes along with being a guest. Hopefully, your guests know that and will limit their conversations to critiquing the rabbi’s sermon and their favorite style of honey cake. Just like they should bring you flowers or wine, they should leave any contentious hot takes for a less formal environment where they already know the opinions of the people around them.
There is also a responsibility that comes along with being a host that gives you the power to set the tone and manage the conversation. If someone at your holiday table were to ask another guest how much money they make or when they’re planning to have kids or some other faux pas, you would step in to change the subject or redirect the situation. So too if someone brings up politics, you can politely say, “I’m sure we can all agree that we’re hoping things improve in the new year,” or, “Who’s ready for dessert?” You can also ask the offending guest (or the offended) to help you in the kitchen, putting some distance between the disagreeing parties before things escalate.
You have the option to introduce dinner by saying, “This has been a hard time for a lot of reasons, but we’re going to have a politics-free space tonight,” but this could potentially introduce the idea of conflict where it wasn’t already. You can also start off with an ice breaker that asks a personal question (something you’re looking forward to in your own life, a small change you want to make in the new year, a way you think you can make a difference in your local community). The answers can provide fodder for the rest of dinner and can give people some substance about each other’s lives and beliefs without tipping into national or international news.
You are prioritizing creating a welcoming environment, which is a huge mitzvah and a beautiful way to start the year. Not having new people over because of a fear of disagreements would be a loss for you and your potential guests. Ideally, everyone will be on their best behavior, and the random strangers may even turn into friends. And if things don’t go well, then your one night together can just be a blip where at least you didn’t compromise on your values of welcoming people.
Be well, and shana tova,
Miriam
