Before I begin, let the record show that I had the idea for this article BEFORE Hallmark announced they were going to make Hanukkah movies! That being said, If Hallmark wants to get in contact with me after this article comes out to flesh out some of the ideas, I’m 100% down #callme.
Christmas movies. They’re just like regular movies but take place on Christmas and have actors we have literally never seen before! They are low budget and have 0% of an original plot yet they are popular because…????? I can’t figure out why they are popular, there are so many feel-good movies out there that still don’t have the oomph of a bad Christmas movie.
My sister and I were watching that new Netflix movie with Vanessa Hudgens that is basically a rip off combo of The Princess Diaries and Prince & the Pauper (we recommend you hate-watch it) and we realized it would be SO easy to make crappy Hanukkah movies. Like SO easy. The holiday already has magic, family drama, and a color scheme. So here are 8 (oh yeah we also have an official Hanukkah number, does Christmas have that!!!!!!???)* official movie plot ideas for @Netflix @Hulu @Hallmark or any other streaming service.
The plot: Jewish girl has 8 days to get her goy fiancé prepped to meet her Jewish family. Ever since her mother died when she was a child, her father and grandmother have been extra protective. This movie consists of lots of silly montages. The Jewish girl is stressed AF the entire movie.
The Twist: Family still doesn’t like her fiancé and he breaks up with her because she has no backbone and seems to bend to her family’s will.
The Resolution: She realizes even though it can be hard, she truly loves her fiancé and chooses to be with him; her family ultimately agrees.
The plot: Jewish girl travels to a made-up Middle Eastern country over the holidays for a work trip (choose literally any profession, we can make it work). Jewish royal prince and resident bad boy pretends he’s a regular guy (Jasmine style) and they fall in love.
The Twist: Um, obviously she’s not royalty and this hot Jewish prince could never get approval from his father, THE KING.
The Resolution: Girl gives mediocre speech to the king after he shuts it all down, but the music is so intense you know that it’s supposed to be impressive. This sways the king, they live happily ever after in the made-up country.
The Plot: Father and Son who don’t get along are playing dreidel. (not sure how this happens but I’m sure it will happen seamlessly). Mother died and Father is dating someone son doesn’t like. Son is a non-committal playboy and father doesn’t understand why he won’t settle down and start a family.
The Twist: Dreidel is effing MAGIC and they switch bodies.
The Resolution: Son realizes the woman his dad is dating is nice and that dads have hard lives too. Dad realizes his son has lots of sex but the one girl he’s interested in is dating someone else. Son ends up with this girl in the end once he connects to his emotions. Son and father have newfound respect and love for each other.
The Plot: Boy goes to Israel on a special Hanukkah birthright trip, strays from the group, meets and falls in love with a girl on a kibbutz. He has only 8 days in Israel before he needs to go home and take over his father’s deli.
The Twist: THE GIRL IS BETROTHED and has never left the kibbutz!
The Resolution: He is sad, flies home, she leaves the kibbutz, and she is at the deli when he shows up. Dramatic music. Big deli kiss scene.
The Plot: A PERIOD PIECE! Set in a shtetl in Eastern Europe. Girl from a poor family (mom died in childbirth). Hanukkah starts and miracles start to happen every day when she wishes as they light the menorah. Her wishes are coming true! They have food, water, basic needs, maybe they get wild and ask for some nice socks, idk.
The Twist: Evil prince hears what’s happening and goes and steals the magic menorah
The Resolution: Menorah doesn’t work for him because he’s EVIL and a serious non-believer in Hanukkah miracles. Girl is sad because no more miracles, but some ancient AF elder in the village reminds her it’s about love and she realizes she loves some village boy that has been in the movie the whole time or something.
BIGGER PLOT TWIST: TURNS OUT HE’S BEEN LISTENING TO HER WISHES AND BRINGING HER THE STUFF SO THERE WAS NO MAGIC, JUST A CUTE VILLAGE BOY.
The Plot: A comedy for an older generation. Two Bubbes don’t like each other because they want time with their grand kids. They are all under one roof for the holiday and have to learn to get along.
The Twist: No twist in this one, just silly gags and dumb attempts to get the kids to love them more than the other one.
The Resolution: They all love each other, duh.
The Plot: Hot shot lawyer woman home for the holidays in her small town (normal suburbs but seems tiny to this big city gal!) for the first time in YEARS. She was ugly at Jewish summer camp and made fun of all the time so she has a weird relationship with the boys in her town. She decides she wants to get the hot one she always loved to love her back.
The Twist: Hot guy is still hot but is super dumb.
The Resolution: She realizes she actually loves the other kid who was dumpy at camp but who is now also hot in a nice guy way and has always been in love with her.
The Plot: Hot Shot doctor woman needs date to Hanukkah party back home where she hasn’t been in years (similar to the last plot but it’ll play out differently so get ready!). She finds an escort online and purchases him as her date (yes, this is a direct plot steal from The Wedding Date, shut up.) He’s hot and she’s into him but won’t admit it.
The Twist: Stuff starts being stolen in the town and she thinks it’s him because he’s essentially a prostitute and she makes sweeping generalizations about people even though SHE HIRED HIM. Anyway, she blames him, he says it wasn’t him, she sill blames him. He says he loves her and would never.
The Resolution: They catch the guy who did it (who is probably the guy she was in love with in her home town). She realizes she muffed up big time, says something dramatic like “oh my god…I have to go…NOW!” Finds an escort in the airport, confesses she loves the escort. Airport has unrealistic Hanukkah décor everywhere. They live happily ever after.
Wondering how I made 8 off the top of my head in one afternoon, here’s my basic recipe (sprinkle in drama to taste):
Movie that already exists – The good actors + Magic – One parent or relative + Snow = Holiday Movie
*Just remembered that 12 days of Christmas song but tbh feeling like that’s a load of sh*t so ignoring it.