I recently started hanging out with a new guy friend, and I wish we were more than friends. I’ve been dropping hints, but he hasn’t asked me out. He also calls sporadically. What can I do to encourage him to make a move?
— Sheyna Punim
Nu, what in the world is preventing YOU from making the first move, my dear? This is 2010, and it’s perfectly healthy and normal for a woman to pursue a man—scary as it may be to put yourself out there.
Are you scared of rejection? Of course you are. No one wants to expose her vulnerable heart, and it may be tough to read your new friend’s feelings. How will you know if you never ask? Rehearse it in front of a mirror or another, most trusted friend if you must. And don’t just leave him a voicemail or text message, please. That’s wimpy. Work up your courage and ask him in person or over the phone:
Tell your new friend that you’d like to take him out to dinner as your DATE (so your intentions are clear), and see what develops between the two of you from there. You may think you’ve been dropping hints, but he may be totally blind. Or, he got your hints but felt too nervous to act. Or … he’s just not that into you.
Are you scared of “losing his friendship?” Come on … this is a fledgling relationship, so you’re not exactly sacrificing a legacy here. Besides, you’re not really interested in his friendship, are you? You want much more, so why settle for the consolation prize? Whatever his response, take pride in your backbone of steel—you made a move! Which means that next time there’s an opening—with this guy or a worthier suitor—it will be even easier to follow your heart.
Nu, readers? Do YOU have a question? Don’t be shy… Ask Shuli! Write to me at [email protected]
Ask Shuli: Who Makes the First Move?