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Dear Miriam,
I just learned that someone who works at my synagogue has views on Israel that I consider inappropriate and offensive. She is not in a role where she has the opportunity to share those views within the context of her work (only in her personal life), but I am still wary of interacting with her, and I’m upset that the synagogue is employing her. What, if anything, can I do about this?
Signed,
Israel Interaction
Dear Interaction,
A couple of weeks ago, my advice about a difficult work situation was basically to do nothing, so I’m hesitant to repeat myself, especially with a lack of advice. However, I do, in fact, think that doing nothing is probably your best course of action. Since you are wary of interacting with her, go ahead and steer clear. Since you think her views are offensive, go ahead and avoid engaging with her regarding anything about Israel.
Of course, there are a few things I can offer that go slightly beyond “nothing.” If this person is sharing her views on social media, the synagogue may have rules about what employees can or cannot share in that forum. That is, even if she’s not sharing her views in an official synagogue capacity, there may be guidelines she has to follow in order to stay employed by the synagogue. If, though, the synagogue doesn’t have such rules (and, since I’m not an employment lawyer, maybe even if they do have such rules), laws of free speech and anti-discrimination may prevent the synagogue from taking any action. You can ask someone in a higher-up leadership position to weigh in on this, but know that you may end up looking like the bad guy for pointing this out, and if there’s no recourse, you’ve potentially put people in an uncomfortable situation without any legitimate action steps.
To be a little more positively proactive, you can encourage other leaders and staff in the synagogue to make space for people with your views on Israel to come together and have a safe space. You can offer to help organize events, discussion groups, or book clubs to engage with issues around what’s happening. This way, you’ll be able to identify your allies, and within a framework where you spend time with the people in the synagogue with whom you agree, you may not have as many difficult feelings about this employee’s views. Maybe you could even find a way to take this a step further and help organize affinity groups for people with a variety of views on Israel to gather within a prescribed context, or for people with no opinion to educate themselves.
Now, I recognize that what I’m about to close with is the opposite of doing nothing. I appreciate the difficulty of what I’m suggesting; I honestly don’t think you’re going to do it, and I don’t blame you. And yet, I would be remiss if I didn’t say this. So here’s my last suggestion: you could try to talk to this person, face to face, person to person, Jew to Jew, about your differing views. You could try to listen compassionately even to views you find offensive, as long as she agrees going into the conversation to do the same. You may not change each other’s minds, but you may be able to move past needing to avoid her and resenting her presence in your synagogue.
I know this is an incredibly fraught time, and what you’re describing can tear friendships and communities apart. I know that people in fact do risk relationships and employment to stand behind their views on Israel, but also on other topics. There will always be people with different views from your own, and while sometimes the best course is to avoid engaging, remember that this employee likely finds your views just as upsetting as you find hers. Instead of dwelling in that disappointment, perhaps you can take the opportunity to look for instances of shared humanity, overlapping values, and potential commonalities – if not about Israel, then about some other aspect of human interaction.
Be well,
Miriam
I would like to share my perspective as someone who worked in five different organizations across fifteen years in the Jewish community:
First I want to enthusiastically agree with Miriam’s recommendation to more actively participate in Israel-related programming or informal conversations at your synagogue if that will deepen your sense of support and solidarity. If you genuinely feel there is a gap in programming, whether regarding Israel or anything else, I would encourage you to consider leaning in and seeking to fill that gap by collaborating with staff and volunteers. In most healthy organizations, lay leaders with enough passion, commitment and flexibility can succeed in creating new programs or events that fulfill an unserved or underserved part of the community.
Second, I must strongly discourage you from directly confronting the employee, or in any way bringing your concern about their beliefs to any synagogue staff member or lay leadership. Even if you are not in a position of formal leadership or a major donor, the fact that you are a dues-paying member of the organization puts you in a position of power over the employee. This is their livelihood, their ability to feed their family and keep a roof over their head. It is highly inappropriate to exercise your power by putting their employment at risk or even risking an outcome that could adversely affect their workplace experience and environment. Especially, as you mention, when this employee is expressing things privately and they are not in a professional role related to Israel programming or education at the synagogue.
Even if you discreetly express your concerns to a rabbi or lay leader who does nothing other than hear you out, you still run the risk of changing the way that person looks at the employee or interacts with them. Even this risk of subconscious negative impact is outside the bounds of respectful and proper dynamics within a sacred community like a synagogue.
The community seems to have forgotten that McCarthyism was deeply antisemitic, shamefully adopting many of his tactics in its steadfast support of Israel, harming people both outside and inside the tribe. Don’t seek to censor, instead remember and keep holy the wide diversity of opinions and beliefs within the Jewish community. From the “arguments for the sake of heaven” of Pirke Avot to the dynamism in early Zionism 150 years ago, there has always been a massive range of views expressed in healthy, respectful debate among the Jewish people.
Instead of lamenting the ideological difference you have with this person, I recommend you strive to embrace and appreciate that different people love Israel differently. Different people work for the safety and security of the Jewish people differently. Whether ultrazionist, antizionist, or somewhere in between, she and you both have a valid stake in the Jewish people and the Jewish state, and you both have an equal right and responsibility to feel what you feel and express what you believe. Free expression isn’t just a right, it’s a virtue.
In terms of Miriam’s advice to consider talking about the issue with this person, I would instead advise you to seek out a trusted and respected friend to discuss the expressed views that are causing you alarm. Don’t mention the synagogue staff person, just focus on the ideas. If you are interested in a good-faith and open-minded dialogue with views you find inappropriate and offensive, find someone who shares those views or who can at least be sympathetic enough to wholeheartedly explain and defend them. Even if you leave the interaction with the same level of concern, you will have a deeper well of understanding and compassion for the person in your synagogue community.
Lastly, try to focus on all the shared values, goals, and work you have in common with this person beyond your shared connections with Israel. You may disagree passionately about certain things, but by and large you have a tremendous amount of positive alignment. A synagogue is a house of worship, a school, a community center, a social welfare organization, a safe haven, a cultural hub, a neighbor, a kitchen, and so much more. Whenever you see or interact with this person at shul, just remember all the good things you two are partners in and I hope that will eclipse whatever negative feelings you may have.