Got a question? Fill out this form to submit your anonymous question to be answered in a future column.
Dear Miriam,
For our honeymoon three years ago, my wife and I toured several wineries. We brought home bottles from each as souvenirs with the idea that we would be able to drink them throughout our first years of marriage. Well, we’re down to our last couple of bottles and my wife is now refusing to drink any more of them. She says we need to save them and that she’ll be too sad when they’re used up. But we bought the wine to drink, and I want to keep enjoying these bottles together. Now our relaxing nights together have become tense while we’re at odds about what to drink. How can we get out of this?
Signed,
Saving the Sauvingnon
Dear Saving,
Forget the wine for a minute. Both you and your wife are really saying two versions of the same thing: I want to enjoy these special memories with you. She wants to hold onto the bottles themselves, and you want to enjoy the heck out of every memento you brought home from your honeymoon. The wine itself is secondary to the fact that its completion signifies the literal end of your honeymoon stage. You’re entering a new stage of your relationship and need to navigate together how to retain the feelings of delight and newness while also establishing routines for the long term.
Maybe there’s a compromise here where you choose one bottle of wine together to save and plan to drink on, say, your 10th anniversary. Until then, it can be something you save and display in your home and look at fondly together. Or maybe you choose one of the most beautiful bottles to keep and use it as a vase for Shabbat and holiday meals or another type of decorative centerpiece. (The internet tells me you can turn wine bottles into lamps, candle holders, bird feeders, serving trays, and more. Just please don’t try the thing where you attempt to burn off the neck of the bottle with acetone. Definitely not worth the injury risk, even for a lasting memento!)
This also may be the moment for a grand gesture: Take your wife away for a weekend to another winery and acquire some new bottles and new memories to enjoy for years to come. Order wine from one of the wineries you visited together on your honeymoon so that your stock is never fully depleted. Sign up for a couples wine-tasting class to learn what varieties you both especially enjoy. Promise to keep that bottle-vase full of her favorite kind of flowers. Yeah, these ideas are all a little over the top, especially considering you think using up the wine is not a big deal. But, since your wife disagrees, this is an opportunity to show her you’re listening and that you appreciate her perspective and how much she cherishes the memories of your honeymoon.
Also, even more simply, just drop the topic. If arguing about whether or not to drink these last few bottles is stressing both of you out, just leave it alone. I recognize that that could constitute her “winning” this round. But also, it can always be drunk later, whereas if you drink it now, there’s no taking it back. Go to the nearest wine store, buy a bunch of bottles you know you’ll both like and that have no sentimental value, and cozy up on the couch with fewer emotions attached to what goes in your glasses.
Be well,
Miriam
