They say boys are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. In our new dating column, we test that theory.
After yet another crappy date to add to my extensive collection, and a phone call to Hannah (not actually named Hannah) to discuss it, it became clear to both Hannah and myself that I am doing the world a disservice by not sharing these amazing, nearly unbelievable, completely insane moments with as many people as possible. I apologize for this oversight, and I have set out to produce a blog that chronicles my ever-so-unsatisfying quest for man love.
While the reader may find it difficult to believe that these dates are not fabricated, the stories will be peppered with those of ACTUAL nice guys, who ACTUALLY were wonderful and fulfilling and lasted more than two dates.
But those are few and far between, as the majority ended after one meeting due to the inclusion of a story about a colonoscopy, a creepy walk around a lake at night (my mistake) or a simple inability to pay attention to anything other than the sports game on the TV behind me.
My attractiveness (NOT attraction) to the socially inept began at a young age, but the first experience I remember was my 9th grade boyfriend, an 11th grader who drove a red LeBaron convertible and was therefore basically Zack Morris in my eyes. For about a week. He would beep my pager that he was outside of my Junior high to pick me up, we would cruise away with the wind rushing through my frizzy Jew hair, and he would proceed to drive like a maniac until I screamed that I was too Jewish to die.
After a month of dating he would continually try to force me to French kiss him, and since I was 5’7″ and scrappy and he was 5’5″ and Jewy, I would generally just throw him against the wall and walk out while he cried under his blacklight. I eventually dumped him at an Everclear concert for his best friend, who I dated until 11th grade when he disappeared to Florida, never to be seen again. Literally, never.
Meshuggah & Spice is a 30-something Minnesota native who has been on her fair share of interesting dates. Everything worked out well in the end… but we’re getting ahead of ourselves.