We don't bring flowers. We bring food.

The Monday Dish: Comforting Strangers

We don't bring flowers. We bring food.


I’m not usually one to get sucked into news stories, but the reports coming from the Wyoming search for Luke, Nick, Nate and Noah Bucklin have tugged at my heartstrings. Maybe it’s because I’m in the ad business – many of us ad folks here in the TC have worked with or know folks at Nerdery Interactive, a division of Luke’s company Sierra Bravo. Then again, it might be that the story reminds me of the loss of one of my colleagues at a summer resort near Glacier the summer I graduated from high school. We waited for 3 days for the winds to die down so rescuers could recover the body off the mountain. For whatever reason, I find myself following the #LukeComeHome Twitter hashtag and tonight I stumbled upon the meal sign-up sheet for the family – plenty of volunteers who may or may not know the family well (including a number of local ad agencies) have signed up to bring comforting meals while the family and friends hold an anxious vigil.
The meal sign-up sheet for the Bucklins got me thinking about my mom. Ever since my little brother headed off to start his studies at West Point this summer, I’ve gotten random calls from my mom as she heads to funerals for people we don’t really know. In July it was the funeral for 1st Lt. Christopher Goeke (of blessed memory), a West Point grad who was killed in Afghanistan. Plenty of other West Point parents were going, so I didn’t think much other than “wow, she sure has a lot of free time on her hands now that G is off at school.” But a few weeks ago, she checked in on her way to a funeral for the child of an acquaintance from her high school days. Sure, some of Mom’s friends were also going, but it still seemed a little weird – especially since the young woman had died from suicide.  This time I asked her why she felt the need to go. “It’s what we do, Emily,” she said, “we go to provide support and to comfort.” Her reply made me realize that my not-Jewish-but-so-ridiculously-Jewy mother was busy making…shiva calls*. Not because she wanted people around her to think she was some kind of righteous person, but because she knew that it was something that could be done when there’s nothing else to say or do.
Maybe it is a bit weird that my mom sometimes goes to funerals for people she is only tangentially connected to. But maybe it’s not so crazy. When I Googled “shiva call for strangers,” I came across this Aish.com article about a woman who made a shiva call to a family she didn’t know after the 2001 terrorist attack at a Sbarro in Jerusalem. The last line of her piece rang so true “sometimes a warm embrace, even from a stranger, is not at all strange.”
I’m not saying that I’ll be scanning the obituaries anytime soon, but I certainly will think twice the next time I think I should stay away from a funeral or shouldn’t make a shiva call because I didn’t know the deceased “well enough.” What about you?
P.S. If you’re not entirely sure how to make a shiva call, MyJewishLearning.com has a pretty good overview.

The best thing about a blog? It’s interactive. Have another good link to tips for making a shiva call? Share it! Have thoughts on the halacha concerning comforting mourners? Spill – we’d love to learn with you.

*Yes, I realize that “shiva call” isn’t probably the best term but it’s what popped into my head as I was reflecting on our conversation.
(Photo: mccun934)