Dear Shuli:
I only recently started reading TC Jewfolk (my mother referred me here after reading the Strib article, aren’t moms great?) so I wasn’t quite sure who to direct this email to, but it says ask, right? Isn’t that what Judaism is all about, asking?
I would love to see a discussion on the interaction of Christians and Jews in MN. It seems that in today’s society, many Jews tend to stick together very exclusively. After years of anti-Semitism and persecution (that still exists today), do we feel it necessary to make others feel uncomfortable? Why are Jews so cliquey? This past weekend, I happened to run into a group of Jews at a bar while with Christian friends. My Christian friends felt very uncomfortable as people pointed at them and stared like they didn’t belong. We are in a PUBLIC bar, why does this happen? Aren’t we just perpetuating the negative stereotypes that exist when it comes to Jews?
Perhaps you could shed some insight on this subject… I HATE it. I grew up as the token Jew in my hometown and when I see behavior like I did this weekend, it makes me want to keep it that way. I look forward to your response!
— Sveta
Dear Sveta:
One answer to your question comes to mind right away: In Minnesota, there are only about 40,000 Jews (by most estimates). In Minneapolis in particular, anti-Semitism was rampant and virulent for many years (it wasn’t quite as bad in St. Paul, a community of more immigrants). In such a small Jewish community, it seems natural that Jews would want to keep to themselves for security, comfort and simple practicality.
In this day and age, most of us are completely integrated into the general society, which for the most part is Christian. If we choose to live in America—and particularly Minnesota—we can assume this will be true. We’re the minority. Perhaps what you experienced the other day was an example of young people who felt uncomfortable and felt the need to circle the wagons?
At what bar did this take place? Was it a Jewish social event, where the Jewish participants felt surprised that some non-Jewish people showed up? Still, I’m surprised something like that would happen in Minnesota. In Crown Heights, maybe, but not here in the great White North. Were you trying to include your Christian friends in a Hanukkah celebration or other Jewish event? Personally, I’ve never had trouble including my non-Jewish friends or family in Jewish events around town. They’re always welcomed warmly. So… I think I need a bit more context about your experience.
There is one important point I’d like to leave you with: I think I can answer your question, “Why are Jews so cliquey?” Personally, I have plenty of non-Jewish friends, colleagues and even immediate family. But I do find that some of my closest friends are, in the end, Jewish. When it comes down to it, some of us stick to our Jewish cliques because we’re active at synagogue, the JCC, Hadassah, or whatever. And that’s where we make friends. It’s human nature: We want to be with people who are like us, and let’s face it—it’s more comfortable when we don’t have to explain why we wear “that thing on our head” or why we can’t go out to lunch at Jimmy John’s during Passover.
So, would any of you other TC Jewfolk readers out there like to weigh in? Why do Jews tend to stick together so exclusively? Discuss.
(Photo: DigitalArt2)
I am not sure if Jews are any more cliquish than other groups. There are insiders and outstiders. It is wonderful when insiders extend themselves to welcome outstiders. Otherwise, outsiders mush must exert themselves to become insiders, which can often be interpreted being “pushy” or “upstarts”, accusations that have often been made of Jews. However, as Jews who have so long been outsiders, we should make an extra effort to be welcoming. This is reinforced in the Torah which repeatedly reminds Jews to welcome the stranger as “you were strangers in the land of Egypt.” Furthermore, Abraham is the role model for welcoming strangers. But being welcoming is not neccesarily intuitive. So it must be taught and modeled and for a few brave insiders to lead and welcome outsiders and bring them in. But it is only recently that Jews live in a relatively “open” culture that people would even want to become a Jewish “insider”.
I am an African, Choctaw, Tsalagi, Ojibwa convert to Judaism. Years ago, I created & coordinated Women of Color sections at several all women events.
This was not to keep white women away. I did this because, when one is part of a teeny minority, no matter how well-meaning the majority think they are, there is always that little tension around–a look, a remark, something in the air.
Most “minorities” have to develop automatic, unconscious coping tactics, like psychic shields or blinders for the preservation of mental health. But it’s tiring. One needs respite. One needs to be able to let her guard down, even if she wasn’t aware it was up. It’s that Ahhh moment, like when you take off your shoes at the end of the day. It’s a safety zone, a place where the prospect of having to deal with antisemitism, or racism does not exist.
And let’s be real about this. It can be cold out there, sometimes dangerous. When gentiles assume there are no Jews within earshot, they can say some very disgusting things. And I know you who consider yourselves to be Jewish members of the “white” club similarly hear words of racism, when there are no obvious people of color around.
Let us befriend & love & party down with all kinds of people. But let us take care, & take of each other. If we were not “cliquey”, we would not have survived.
Amoja Three Rivers
hi this is brachie. all i’m sayin’ is that i’m jewess, and i love being a jewess. i also love non-jewesses, like for instance my best friend right next to me loves jesus. and i love her, so what’s wrong with that?
People do what they must to survive. Over time it’s a matter of historic record that groups “cliqued up”. The settlement at Jamestown, the very first European presence in North America was tribal for survival. It was an adaptive strategy with limited success because the other side had a bigger tribe.
In the modern world and in a broader, more polyglot multiculture like America, the expectations are different. The dangers from being annihilated by natives is absent but some people worry about their prized transplanted folkways and sacred traditions in the same way. The challenge for America always has been: how can newcomers come stay with their heritage intact, with their precious practices protected while at the same time the young bump into the larger overarching culture and not become totally disassembled Jews or Irish or Asians in a few generations? This is a valid concern and many older people especially view the encounter with trepidation— the kids, not so much. It’s a tense tug-of-war, is it not? Jews are really a special case though because their sacred traditions date back many millenia and are literally at the heart of all the western Abrahamic faiths. It’s tricky and mt family had the easiest go of it being Episcopalians.