The Definitive Single Parent Quiz

People keep telling me I’m a good parent. My kids live with me almost full time, I get them ready and take them to school, I make sure their homework gets done (including Hebrew and Judaics), I go to all the baseball games and dance recitals, etc. And maybe I am. Or maybe I’m not. To find out, I developed the below quiz. There actually isn’t any scoring, but I can tell you I answered them all “C”, and as I said, people keep telling me I’m a good parent. So, single parents, try to find a few minutes to yourself (I know not as easy as it sounds), and lets see how good of parents we are.
The fancy wedding gift crystal bowl in the formal dining room is used to hold:

a) Dried flowers
b) Votive candle floating in water
c) Soft footballs and ping pong paddles

On the day of the big standardized testing at school, you use the drive to school to:

a) Give a motivating speech about trying your best
b) Recite a teaching from the Talmud (I don’t know which one)
c) Blast Ozzy Osborne Crazy Train as loud as the car speakers can handle

The primary motivation for taking your children on a summer trip to New York is:

a) The opportunity to show the kids the world’s best museums and see the statue of liberty
b) Immerse them in the largest Jewish population and culture in the world (outside Israel)
c) Your girlfriend lives out there and it’ll have been a while since [rest of sentence censored]

You are always very good about making sure your child finishes their homework except:

a) When they are ill
b) Important events like shivas and holidays
c) When the score of the playoff game is really close

Your first words to your new born baby girl were:

a) A traditional Jewish blessing for a newborn
b) “I’ve been waiting my whole life for you to arrive”
c) “Don’t ever marry a drummer”

The artwork in your living room:

a) Is a Marc Chagall reprint
b) Is from a local artist that you met at the Uptown Art Fair
c) Doesn’t exist because flying footballs hit the walls too often and would cause damage to any artwork

Your children call their other parent:

a) to wish them a good Shabbas
b) to set up plans for the next time they see them
c) to tell them Daddy is trying to poison them with food they are allergic to

Your children refer to the local liquor store as:

a) They don’t because they’ve never been to the store
b) The place to pick up the Manischewitz for Shabbas
c) Daddy’s treats store

For dinner tonight you are giving your children:

a) Spaghetti, garlic bread, and a salad
b) Chicken, green beans, and mashed potatoes
c) Any combination they want of instant soup, fast food french fries, and a marshmallow

Your kids go to school with:

a) Brushed hair, new designer clothes, and a four food group lunch
b) Semi-brushed hair, ironed clothes, and a hot lunch ticket
c) Messy hair, ill-fitting wrinkled clothes, and a collection of bags of different types of chips

To review… I’m told I’m a good parent, and I answered “C” to all these questions, so by definition if you also answered “C” to all, then you are also a good parent. If you answered A and B, well, you need some work. Don’t worry, I’m sure you are doing fine in your own way. Children are forgiving and not easily permanently damaged. There’s still time to improve, let me know if I can help.