This email was sent to me by my Great Aunt Shel last night. I had to pass it on. If you know who wrote it, please post as much in the comments so we can give them kudos. I encourage you to post your answers in the comments below, or on Facebook. Kudos to you if you actually submit this to your Rabbi before Friday night.
1. I would prefer to sit in the… (Check one:)
___ Talking section
___ No talking section
2. If talking, which category do you prefer? (Indicate order of interest:)
___ Stock market
___ Sports
___ Medicine
___ General gossip
___ Specific gossip (choose from below):
- ___ The rabbi
- ___ The cantor
- ___ The cantor’s voice
- ___ The cantor’s significant other
- ___ The rabbis significant other
- ___ Fashion news
- ___ What others are wearing
- ___ Why they look awful
- ___ My neighbors
- ___ My relatives
- ___ My neighbors’ relatives
- ___ Presidential Election, results from
- ___ Who is cheating on/having an affair with whom
- ___ My children/grandchildren
- ___ Other:_______________________________
3. Which of the following would you like to be near for free professional advice?
__ Doctor
__ Dentist
__ Nutritionist
__ Psychiatrist
__ Child psychiatrist
__ Podiatrist
__ Chiropractor
__ Stockbroker
__ Accountant
__ Lawyer, General Practice
__ Criminal Lawyer
__ Civil Lawyer
__ Real estate agent
__ Architect
__ Plumber
__ Buyer (Specify store:_____________ )
__ Golf pro [tentative; we’re still trying to find a Jewish One]
__ Other:____________________________
4. I want a seat located (Indicate order of priority:)
__ On the aisle
__ Near the exit
__ Near the window
__ In Aruba
__ Near the bathroom
__ Near my in-laws
__ As far away from my in-laws as possible
__ As far away from my ex-in-laws as possible
__ Near the pulpit
__ Near single men
__ Near available women
__ Where no one on the bimah can see/hear me talking during services
__ Where no one will notice me sleeping during services
__ Where I can sleep during the rabbi’s sermon
___ Where I can use my blackberry (SHHHH) [additional charge]
5. Please do not place me anywhere near the following people: (Limit of six – if you require more space, you may wish to consider joining another congregation.)
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
Your name: _________________________________
Building fund pledge: $________________________