Synagogue Seating Request Form for Yom Kippur

This email was sent to me by my Great Aunt Shel last night. I had to pass it on.  If you know who wrote it, please post as much in the comments so we can give them kudos.  I encourage you to post your answers in the comments below, or on Facebook. Kudos to you if you actually submit this to your Rabbi before Friday night.

Beth Jacob Congregation, Mendota Heights

During the last holiday season, many individuals expressed concern about the seating arrangements in the synagogue. In order for us to place you in a seat which will best suit you, we ask you to complete the following questionnaire and return it to the synagogue office as soon as possible.
1. I would prefer to sit in the… (Check one:)
___ Talking section
___ No talking section
2. If talking, which category do you prefer? (Indicate order of interest:)
___ Stock market
___ Sports
___ Medicine
___ General gossip
___ Specific gossip (choose from below):

  • ___ The rabbi
  • ___ The cantor
  • ___ The cantor’s voice
  • ___ The cantor’s significant other
  • ___ The rabbis significant other
  • ___ Fashion news
  • ___ What others are wearing
  • ___ Why they look awful
  • ___ My neighbors
  • ___ My relatives
  • ___ My neighbors’ relatives
  • ___ Presidential Election, results from
  • ___ Who is cheating on/having an affair with whom
  • ___ My children/grandchildren
  • ___ Other:_______________________________

3. Which of the following would you like to be near for free professional advice?
__ Doctor
__ Dentist
__ Nutritionist
__ Psychiatrist
__ Child psychiatrist
__ Podiatrist
__ Chiropractor
__ Stockbroker
__ Accountant
__ Lawyer, General Practice
__ Criminal Lawyer
__ Civil Lawyer
__ Real estate agent
__ Architect
__ Plumber
__ Buyer (Specify store:_____________ )
__ Golf pro [tentative; we’re still trying to find a Jewish One] __ Other:____________________________
4. I want a seat located (Indicate order of priority:)
__ On the aisle
__ Near the exit
__ Near the window
__ In Aruba
__ Near the bathroom
__ Near my in-laws
__ As far away from my in-laws as possible
__ As far away from my ex-in-laws as possible
__ Near the pulpit
__ Near single men
__ Near available women
__ Where no one on the bimah can see/hear me talking during services
__ Where no one will notice me sleeping during services
__ Where I can sleep during the rabbi’s sermon
___ Where I can use my blackberry (SHHHH) [additional charge] 5. Please do not place me anywhere near the following people: (Limit of six – if you require more space, you may wish to consider joining another congregation.)

Your name: _________________________________

Building fund pledge: $________________________

(Photo: Beth Jacob Congregation, credit: L.Itman)