Since writing about College Boy, I have been doing some serious reflecting on my collegiate years. In a moment of panic I realized that I had keg-stood my way through most of this time in my life and honestly could not remember what I was like as a person. Naturally, this line of internal questioning led to a moment of blind insanity when I decided to instant message College Boy and ask him if I was as funny back then as I clearly am now. Since we haven’t spoken in five years it probably wasn’t the most normal thing that’s happened to him today, but I also like to think it wasn’t the weirdest. Thank god I wasn’t around when drunk texting was a thing!
His response was, “I thought you were funny, but I think you thought you were funnier,” to which I jumped for joy, as that is EXACTLY how I think it is to this day. Hoorah! And while I haven’t yet mentioned Biker Dude, my second greatest love of all, he would have put it in the exact same words. More on him and his muscles and tattoos and cooking aprons later.
Of course I wasn’t completely satisfied with College Boy’s less-than thorough recollection of my amazingness, so I naturally called my best friend from college so she could fill in the blanks. Molly (not named Molly) informed me that I was in fact hysterically funny back then, College Boy was a little bit of a dud who was boring and super nice and vanilla, and that the next time I am having a mid-mid-life crisis I should just call her first for any information on my behavior/personality during college as she was there for nearly all of it. Since she was the less-drunk of the two of us for most of college, I will absolutely do that from now on.
It beats being in the middle of an online conversation with an ex and realizing it appears as though you are writing from a padded room and this is now how he will remember you forever.