Got a question? Fill out this form to submit your anonymous question to be answered in a future column.
Dear Miriam,
My company is hosting a once-a-year meeting on Shimini Atzeret this year, a day on which I don’t go to work. The meeting is where I live, but many people are coming from out of town, and this would have been my only opportunity to meet some of my coworkers in person. I’m very disappointed in the timing. I also recognize that it’s better than being scheduled on Rosh Hashanah and that I’m likely the only person out of the 200 invited who is impacted by this scheduling. I’ve discussed with my supervisor and with HR who are apologetic but unable to change the date. Is there anything else to do in this situation?
Signed,
Full of fall holidays
Dear Fall,
This is definitely a bummer, it was probably avoidable, and it certainly comes from a lack of awareness rather than anything insidious or discriminatory. You’re more than entitled to your disappointment, but unfortunately, you’re probably not entitled to a whole lot more here.
Talking to your supervisor and HR was a great first step. Now they know you won’t be there and why, and they know that there are important Jewish holidays in the fall after Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. The nuance of why some people take off work for some of these holidays and not for others is very tricky, but, if pressed, all you have to say is that there is a range of ways that Jewish people observe and celebrate these holidays. For you, that includes not going to work on this set of days and for others, it may look different. You don’t need to justify your observance or explain anyone else’s beyond making sure your employer knows that both are legitimate. You could also take it upon yourself to give HR the list of holidays for the next couple of years right now to get ahead of this scheduling issue for the future.
For any coworkers that you were especially looking forward to meeting in person, reach out to them directly. Explain the conflict and that you’re so sorry to miss them. Maybe you can schedule “lunch” together on Zoom some other time in October to have the kind of social conversation you’ll be missing out on having during this meeting. Maybe, since they’ll be in your city, you could actually arrange to take a walk with a couple of these people when they’re in town or meet up in some other neutral way that’s not work but that still allows you to have some literal face time.
My last thought is a little controversial, but I hope it’s at least worth considering. Is there any part of this company gathering that you would be comfortable attending even on chag (a holiday when people traditionally don’t engage in work)? You would have to know the schedule in advance, and you’d have to be able to get access to meeting rooms without having your ID or taking an elevator or whatever the specifics are of your office and your observance, but maybe it’s possible at least to show up for some part of the time. That won’t change the scheduling issue, it won’t make you able to participate fully, it may lead to further questions about what exactly this holiday is, but it might also help with your FOMO and give you a small taste of that in person experience you’re craving without compromising on your own observance.
Be well,
Miriam
