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Dear Miriam,
An acquaintance of mine from my synagogue applied for a job at my company. She was a finalist but was not ultimately selected for the role. My coworker in charge of the hiring process followed up with me to let me know that my acquaintance hadn’t responded to the final message that the company would keep her in mind for future positions. Did she have a responsibility to respond? And I do have the responsibility to pass along this feedback?
Signed,
Not My Job
Dear Job,
I am a firm believer in networking, using connections, helping friends who are looking for jobs, and generally being a resource to people in our communities whenever possible. But, as they say, who you know might get you the interview, but it won’t get you the job. (I don’t actually know who the “they” is, but I’ve heard this phrase, and I’m sure you have too.) You played your part by helping your shul friend get in the door, and that is where your responsibility ends.
I really hate that your coworker shared this information with you. That feels like a violation of the applicant’s privacy, an over-inflation of your role in the hiring process, and also just completely unnecessary. I hope you said something like, “That doesn’t feel like relevant information for me to have,” or “I’m not really involved in the process.” If you didn’t say anything at the time, if you are involved in recommending anyone else for roles at your company in the future, I think you should state to this person up front that, beyond your initial recommendation, you don’t want other information about the applicant.
You specifically call the applicant an acquaintance and not a friend, so even though you now have this additional information, there’s no need for you to pass it along. The applicant knows she didn’t get the job, and she knows she didn’t reply to that email. Pointing it out only further entangles you in a situation that has nothing to do with you. Also, based on your account, you don’t really even have additional information worth sharing. Your coworker didn’t indicate that there would have been a different outcome had she replied or even that there’s another job on the horizon. There’s actually nothing to tell.
All that said, if the applicant was a friend instead of an acquaintance, a reasonable follow-up from you could have been, “How was the interview process for you?” or, “I’m sorry you didn’t get the role, but I’m happy to keep you in mind if I hear of anything else,” or, if you want to stick your nose in this particular issue, “Did you hear anything else from the company after they turned you down?” Maybe she’ll share that she was bitter and didn’t reply to the email, or that she decided she wouldn’t be interested in another position there, or, maybe, that she didn’t see the email. In that final, extremely unlikely scenario, you could say, “I think they usually send a follow-up message, so you might want to check your spam.” And then, for the good of all, leave this alone.
As for what your acquaintance should have done, she should have replied. “Thank you,” would have been sufficient. “I appreciate your time, and hope to hear from you in the future,” would have been extremely gracious. Whether or not it was true, it doesn’t cost anything to be polite. It would have been respectful to both the person who wrote to her and to you for her to acknowledge the email. And also, it doesn’t matter. I hope she gets a great job somewhere else, and I hope your coworker learns better boundaries, and I hope you can rest assured that none of this has to do with you.
Be well,
Miriam
