Dear Shuli:
I’ve been trying to make plans with a new friend, but she often changes plans or flakes out. Should I give up on her?
— Frustrated friend
Dear Frustrated:
I understand your bewilderment. It’s hard to make the effort and have your plans thwarted time and again. In this day and age, people are so busy with school, work, kids or too many activities. Your new friend does want to make plans to see you, but she must have a hard time with follow-through.
I have little patience with flakey friends, but you should give yours the benefit of the doubt this time. Let her make the next move and take the initiative. If she changes plans on you yet again, tell her you’d love to spend time with her but can’t take the uncertainty. She may have to prove to you that she can be a dependable member of your social circle. Friendships take work, honey. Don’t I know it!
I would say that, to borrow from the title of the popular book, “(S)he’s just not that into you.” Think about it – when you really want to spend time with someone, you find the time, right? You should realize that, if someone “flakes out” on you twice in a row, they really aren’t into spending time with you right then. You don’t need to confront her about it. Just don’t contact her. Sounds like she knows where to find you, so, if things change in the future, she can. There’s nothing like having someone you vaguely like (don’t want to hurt feelings of) being a noodge about getting together to make you stop even vaguely liking them. Believe me, the shoe will eventually be on the other foot for you (probably with someone else), and you will see how your schedule suddenly closes at the prospect of spending time with someone who doesn’t interest you all that much. Sad, but live & learn.