Me and my Matzah!
To be fair, I use “made” very loosely in this case, because 1. I had no idea what I was doing. 2. I had nobody who knew what they were doing there to supervise.
Like my friends really had better things to do at 11 p.m. on a Friday night. Oh, come on.
Over the course of an hour, two things were very close to happening.
- I almost set off the smoke alarms in my building.
- I almost broke my oven.
This does not bode well for my future as the food blogger here.
This is my Matzah story.
Matzah (to me and a dictionary): Unleavened bread eaten at Passover.
Matzah (to Jewish people): Disgusting.
Matzah (to the internet): 
And then there’s my Matzah!
My Matzah
Ingredients:
1 cup all-purpose flour/kosher flour
1/3 cup water, add more as needed
… No, I’m not punking you. It’s seriously only flour and water.
Directions:
Move an oven rack and baking sheet to the top rack of the oven. Preheat your oven to 475 degrees. Or just start it on fire, because that essentially what my oven did at that temperature. (Just kidding, don’t actually start your oven on fire. That would be ridiculous.)
· Mix water into the flour, slowly. Use a fork to stir, molding the mixture into a ball of dough.
Knead the ball of dough until smooth, then roll it out into a giant pancake.
Using a fork, stab the pancake of dough repeatedly to perforate it. If the dough rises- you fail.
Carefully put the dough on the hot baking sheet. Beware the heat-wave when you open the oven door. After three minutes, flip the dough and bake for two more minutes.
It’s so easy, a non-Jew can do it.
My Matzah Pizza
Ingredients:
Matzah
Pizza Sauce
Toppings
I’m not even going to bother trying to convince you that this is a complex recipe. Throw the sauce and toppings on the pizza, and toss it in the oven until the cheese melts. Eat.
If it seems like too much work to track down those extra ingredients (i.e. if you’re a college student), just drizzle with some olive oil and sprinkle with salt.
Delicious.
It might even be my new token study snack.
Deal with it.
What I learned this week: Homemade Matzah knocks the socks off the store bought stuff. Try to prove me wrong. Can’t be done. … And I should probably never turn my oven up to 475 degrees again.
Until next time,
Shiksa out.
(Photo of internet matza: Avital Pinnick)
Congratulations on making your first matzah, and unsupervised, no less!
By the way, I am a Jew, and I love matzah. I do admit, however, that my feelings for matzah have less to do with taste than with fond memories of visiting my grandmother, may her memory be a blessing, who had matzah available as a snack food no matter what time of year it was.
Matzah is good with just butter on it, for those too busy to cook, or who want a snack to bring with them for later.
Thanks Susan! It was definitely an adventure.
I agree, the taste of some food will always be irrelevant compared to the memories it represents.
I’ll have to try it with some butter next time!
Yes, I actually like matzah. Sometimes even eat it during the year, when we run out of bread. Best choices – Prego sauce and cheese as a matzah pizza or with salmon dip as the largest cracker imaginable.
Matzah and salmon dip? That sounds delicious! Do you make your own dip?
Cute. But for me matzoh symbolizes our exodus from slavery and eating it reminds me to appreciate my freedom as a Jewish woman. Brave of you to attempt to make it since it’s usually very well supervised. And no, it doesn’t taste great, but I’m guessing it tastes better than slavery 🙂
Agreed! Although, I’m not sure anything can taste = worse than that. Haha.
And I’m glad I didn’t attempt to make it by kosher standards. Between the matzah and I, one of us would not have made it through those 15 minutes.