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Dear Miriam,
I have noticed a disconnect amongst my Jewish friends posting about (and talking about) hostages, and my (non-Jewish) friends posting about and talking about other things, like, for example, football. I was invited to a Super Bowl party this weekend, but I feel guilty celebrating with so much else going on in the world. How do I find joy in something (anything?) that is – in the scheme of things – so mundane?
Signed,
Struggling to see what’s super
Dear Struggling,
There is, unquestionably, a lot to struggle with right now. Breaking down what you’re feeling into component parts may help you compartmentalize – in a healthy way. That separation may give you permission to feel what seems appropriate to feel regarding the hostages and other world events, while also finding ways to enjoy the day-to-day mundane and also celebratory moments.
Regarding the hostages, frankly, I also struggle to know the right thing to say or feel. Some of your non-Jewish friends may be unaware of the ongoing gravity of the situation or uncomfortable sharing their thoughts publicly. They may not care, which is, I think, your concern, or they may not understand how it impacts you directly, or they might already be compartmentalizing to the point of not thinking about this unless someone brings it up to their face. You can decide to talk to a couple of trusted friends about how you’re feeling, or you can stick to discussing this with Jewish friends who you know share your perspective. Either way, social media is only a very small snapshot of what anyone is thinking or feeling, and you likely won’t benefit from constructing a narrative for yourself solely around your friends’ posts.
Regarding the Super Bowl, as many readers know, I live in Philadelphia, and things are more than a little football crazy here these days. But wherever you live, Superbowl parties are decidedly a thing, and I think you should take the opportunity this weekend to spend time with friends, make fun of the commercials, and eat a lot of junk food. You may not be as unabashedly into it as other years, and that’s fine, but staying away because you feel guilty will actually not impact world events and will only function to isolate you from what could be a valuable, or at least neutral, social outlet.
I could rattle off about a hundred things right now that could make a person feel awful or guilty or isolated, or like there may never be anything worth celebrating ever again. But, if I tried, I think I could also come up with about a hundred things worth celebrating, worth getting out of bed for, worth holding onto hope for. In the most extreme moments and in the most mundane, that balance between terror and joy is what makes us human. So while I hope the idea of compartmentalizing is helpful sometimes (perhaps especially for the duration of the Super Bowl), I also encourage you to think about the in-between, the back and forth, the balance. That’s where most of life happens.
Be well,
Miriam
