There’s a general level of superstition when it comes to Jews. This is not a Jewish value, per se, but rather something that was born out of the influence of surrounding cultures, particularly in the Middle Ages. It certainly is connected to a sense of pessimism and a “just in case” thought pattern, well-honed over millennia of persecution and maltreatment. Nonetheless, it has become something that is ingrained in our culture.
This shows up in customs and behaviors that don’t conform with the majority of American culture. Many people in the United States will have a baby shower before a baby is born or adopted, and this is much less common in Jewish communities. I have known people who did not announce a pregnancy until after an ultrasound showed a heartbeat or an anatomy scan gave confidence in a healthy baby at about 20 weeks of pregnancy. I have known people who have not acknowledged anticipating a baby until the child actually is born or an adoption is completed.
The traditional saying when someone mentions an upcoming life event, like pregnancy, adoption, or wedding, is b’sha’ah tovah – at a good time. It is generally understood to mean, “may everything go well and happen at the right time.” Even this phrase, different from the typical English greeting of “congratulations!” in these types of situations, indicates the difference in how Jews view the situation. It’s not guaranteed; it’s still to come; let’s hope all goes well.
It also means that every event has its own perfect timing that we, as imperfect humans, are not privy to. We rely on divine providence to guide and protect us until the right and appointed time, which requires us to have some level of humility and acknowledge that our best-laid plans are still prone to being held up or blown away.
While on the topic of humility, one lesson from me. I once had someone tell me they were expecting a baby. This person is a woman and so I assumed she meant that she was pregnant. I asked, “When are you due?” She explained that her wife was pregnant. I did not know she was married to a woman, and so my inclination to think of families as being made up of one man and one woman was obvious based on how I had responded. Since then, I have been more inclusive in how I ask questions. Families adopting children are also expecting babies, and so I try to ask, “When are you expecting your child?” I try to have the humility to acknowledge that I don’t know the circumstances of how a child might be coming into the life of a family.
Through b’sha’ah tovah, Judaism is telling us that we should wait until the appointed hour to celebrate, the humility to acknowledge our human frailty, and that each simcha deserves its own celebration and joy, so we should give each one its own time, attention and energy, at the divinely chosen moment.
We can also find the good in each moment we live. We know good is always near because we can each bring good into this moment. As we are responsible to and for one another, we are also responsible for bringing light and joy even in hard or dark times.
