When I was growing up, we had quite a few Shabbat rituals. My mother would cook an extravagant meal, enough for a week of leftovers. We would light the candles and bless the wine (actual wine!) and slice the challah. My dad would dramatically bless his wife and his children. Then we would empty our pockets into the tzdaka (charity) box. When it was full, the dinner discussion would be all about where to donate the money.
I didn’t realize it at the time, but my family was actively living the pillars of Jewish life – Torah, Avodah, and G’Milut Chasadim – Learning, Service, & Acts of Loving Kindness.
Giving tzedaka is a mitzvah. A commandment. The Torah teaches us that acts of charity are required for Jewish life. Tzedaka translates from the Hebrew, not as charity, but as righteousness and justice. Giving in Judaism is not an option. It’s a requirement for being a good person. I learned these values at home.
Recently, I was cleaning and arranging my collection of Judaica and my attention stopped on my tzedaka box. It is a beautiful, hand-designed ceramic featuring a tree of life, designed by a family friend in the 1980s.
And it struck me that I keep it on display behind glass.
I shook the box. There are a few spare coins inside. Not yet enough to donate.
But how would that ever change if I keep it behind glass? Certainly, I could empty my wallet change every Friday night, but like so many, I don’t keep a lot of cash. I want to ensure we keep the mitzvah, but how can I make tzedaka a ritual in my family without a weekly cash deposit in the box?
I thought about my parenting and gave myself some grace on this. My child has grown into a young adult who, though they currently cannot give financially, they do support many vital causes with their voice and action. Teaching them to live in concert with their values shows in their many acts of loving kindness.
And it seems that for many, the boxes have gone away. They are still seen in synagogues, but I don’t remember the last time I saw a blue metal Jewish United Fund box. They were everywhere when I was growing up.
So it comes to us to live the tzedaka commandment without the boxes.
I’m taken back to my family’s Shabbats. How can we reframe the mitzvah without the boxes? One thing is to teach our charitable values. Have open conversations with our friends and families about where there is need and how we can help. Money is certainly one way, but not the only way. Demonstrate your values with your actions. Volunteer, get involved, donate things, be present and involved. Taking my kid to work at the soup kitchen or to pack backpacks for local communities has always mattered so much to our family as we serve other families.
And teach your children that money is another important way to contribute to improving the world. Maybe you ask your kids to donate a portion of their allowance every month. Or you have regular conversations where your whole family discusses where to donate. Lead by example and join your family in making an online contribution to an important cause.
We can let the boxes go and still live the mitzvah. In these changing times, we might not need the boxes as long as we continue to live our Jewish values.
