Over my lifetime, I’ve had the opportunity to observe many people care for children: teachers, parents, grandparents, trusted adults, friends, aunts and uncles. I’ve seen people treat and care for children in a variety of ways. Some act like they are irritating nuisances, while others treasure them as miraculous wonders. You can see this range of responses yourself by walking through Nickelodeon Universe any Sunday afternoon, possibly even from the same adult with the same child, depending on how long they have been at the Mall of America.
As a newborn, my middle child had developed a fever and I was told we had to go to the emergency room because he was so young. The triage nurse heard me speaking quietly, saying, “We forgot your pacifier, but I think we’ll be okay.” She asked what brand of pacifier we used. After I answered, she went into the supply room. A few minutes later she returned, clearly flustered. She handed me a pacifier and noted that it wasn’t our brand, but rather, a generic knock-off. I said that it should be fine, and I heard her say under her breath, “We’ll just see what the babies have to say about this.” This woman clearly believes that babies can be trusted to know their own preferences and it was folly to try to get one over on them. While I thought it was fine to temporarily accept a different pacifier, this nurse gave me a different way to view children’s responses and to trust them to know their preferences, especially in times of stress or illness.
Sometimes, the people we learn the most from are the ones who make very different decisions than we would. This doesn’t have to be done from a place of judgment; it can be as simple as, that wouldn’t work for me. When I was pregnant with my first child, I was in the cake mix/marshmallows/frosting aisle at the grocery store. I heard a child say to her mother, “Mom, we’re out of frosting.” The mother said, almost as much to the other adults in the aisle as to her daughter, “We’re not out of frosting. We just don’t have any frosting right now. We don’t keep frosting stocked.” And I thought to myself, “That’s not the kind of parent I’m going to be.” No judgment towards that parent; I just keep sprinkles and marshmallows and syrup and chocolate sauce on hand at all times.
Pirke Avot, which translates to “Chapters of the Fathers,” is also known as “Ethics of the Fathers.” It’s a tractate in Seder Nezikin (“Order of Damages”), the only tractate in the Mishnah with almost no laws. Instead, it consists of short statements containing advice, wisdom, and, you guessed it, ethics.
In Pirke Avot, there is a quote: “Ben Zoma said: Who is wise? He who learns from everyone…” (Pirke Avot 4).
We can learn from others when we are willing to gain understanding. My favorite definition of humility is the quality of remaining teachable. Having humility, being willing to learn from others, whether they be my fellow parents, other adults who care for children like teachers, grandparents, aunts or uncles, and even from my own children, helps me to gain wisdom.
Kerry
One of my most inspirational lessons from Jewish literature. Well said