One lovely evening last summer, my family was outside after dinner, playing soccer in the yard. It was hot, the game was loud and rambunctious, and I was rapidly getting overwhelmed and ready for it to be bedtime for my three young children.
Two of my neighbors strolled past on an after-dinner walk. They are a married couple who also have three children, but their children are grown and out of the house. I said to them, “That looks really nice,” referring to the opportunity to take a walk with your spouse, alone and uninterrupted. One of them said, “I was just thinking the same thing about you!”
I know all of us long for what we don’t have. The grass is always greener on the other side, if only because it’s the other side and we can’t see it as clearly as the grass that’s on our side. But how do we fully appreciate what we do have while still acknowledging the challenges that come with it?
Have you ever been at the grocery store with poorly-behaved kids, at your wits’ end, and had someone say, “Oh, enjoy this time! You’ll miss it!” I can’t help but think that this perspective comes after having time to forget about some of the more difficult moments.
Perhaps the best advice on this comes from The Byrds in their song, “Turn! Turn! Turn!” – who drew from the book of Ecclesiastes (Kohelet 3:1) which says, “There is a time for everything.” It reminds us that each moment has its own purpose and not to dwell on the past or future, or to try to escape the moment we are in. Instead, we should try to be fully present in this moment, this season of our lives, whatever that happens to be.
Since the current season of my life involves potty training, which includes occasionally discovering and then identifying unknown substances around the house, I’m still convinced that if I ever do look back and feel nostalgia for this part of raising children, it’ll either be because I’ve forgotten certain details or because I simply became willing to look past them to remember the laughter, their “little guy” voices, and the willingness to climb into my lap and snuggle.
Recent events have shifted my frame of mind on this as well. I was out of town with my family when news broke of the shooting at Annunciation church and school. I was in disbelief when I first heard. I have some personal connections to congregation members and have spent time in the church building, which made it feel closer to home. Truthfully, though, I don’t think we needed to have personal connections or even for the event to be in our state to feel impacted. Whenever any act occurs where children are harmed or killed, I think all of us who are parents or have close relationships to children think about our commitment to keeping them safe and shudder at thinking about encountering a situation where their safety is threatened. Suddenly, minor annoyances like potty training or inconsequential misbehavior at the grocery store melt away and I’m given a dose of perspective on what’s really important.
For today, I’m keeping that perspective and centering it, reminding myself that this season of life is brief, and one day I’ll be the bubbe telling someone to cherish this time.