Tu b’Av (15th Av), if it is celebrated at all today, is usually considered a Jewish Valentine’s Day a.k.a. The Festival of Love. It is an excuse for exchanging romantic cards, buying expensive gifts, sending bouquets of red roses, and ordering dinners for two.
But that was not the way it was always celebrated.
Thousands of years ago, our sages had their own way of dealing with “the shidduch crisis:” single girls went out to dance in the vineyards on Tu b’Av, dressed in borrowed white dresses. They had to be borrowed so that it would not be a fashion/beauty contest and no one would know if a girl was rich or poor from her dress. Eligible young men would watch them to see if they were interested in meeting one of them.
The Talmud described Tu b’Av as the greatest festival of the year (#2 is Yom Kippur). But why did they pick that particular date for this festival?
Several important events occurred on that date.
- The Jews were finally permitted to bury their dead, slaughtered by the Romans after the Bar Kochba rebellion at Beitar. These dead bodies had lain in the field in the boiling hot sun for over a year but miraculously had remained intact, and none had decomposed.
- After the sin of the spies, the adult male Jews had been destined to die and not enter the Land of Israel. Each year they were told to dig their own grave on erev Tisha B’Av and lay down to sleep there. Those who did not wake up the next morning were buried. One year, everyone arose the next morning. The Jews thought that perhaps they had made a mistake in the date so they went to sleep the following night in their ‘graves.’ They did this every night until Tu b’Av six days later. When everyone arose they knew that the decree was over and all of them would be able to enter the Land of Israel. This was, of course, a great cause for celebration.
- When the Land was originally divided between the tribes, no intermarriage between the tribes was allowed. This was to ensure that the size of each inherited piece of land remained intact and was not altered by women marrying out of their tribe, thereby transferring their portion to their husbands. Once they entered the Land of Israel, it was physically portioned and no further changes would be made from then onwards. So this ban was lifted…and the date on which this occurred was Tu b’Av.
Now in 2026 there is a more modern, digital approach to finding your bashert, the one you were intended to marry. There are myriad Jewish online dating sites, but not everyone feels comfortable going on a blind date.
The caricature of the village shadchan (matchmaker) has been the butt of jokes throughout the ages until today. But the truth is the method has been successful throughout our history.
You don’t need any special qualifications. List all the single males and females you can think of together with their ages, religious affiliation, professions, interests, etc. Meet with two or three friends in person, on Zoom, or FaceTime; compare lists and see if any might be suitable to introduce to each other.
That’s all it takes. You don’t have to take responsibility for their suitability or be sure they’ll marry; you are just suggesting they meet.
We are told that when we leave this world we will be asked if we were involved in the mitzvah to “be fruitful and multiply,” the first commandment in the Torah.
Our sages have said that this does not mean actually having children. Not everyone is able to. The commandment is to be involved with shidduchim, to help couples meet.
Aish HaTorah, the organization whose website has introduced Jews all over the world to Jewish wisdom and heritage, has its own system.
Tu b’Av this year is on Wednesday, July 29, and on that date Aish HaTorah will be presenting the biggest speed dating event ever for Jews of all ages and all stripes, anywhere in the world.
If you are still looking for your soulmate, why not give it a try?