Dear Readers,
After 14 glorious years of writing weekly advice for readers in Philadelphia, the Twin Cities, Cincinnati, and beyond, Miriam’s Advice Well is going on semi-permanent (or, more likely, permanent permanent) hiatus.
In high school, when asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, my answer was, “a guest lecturer,” and honestly, this column has brought me closer to realizing that obscure goal than I could have ever imagined. It’s been more than a dream come true to write for you all these years, sharing my perspective on a million different topics both Jewish and secular, championing a variety of approaches to living a meaningful life, and sparking conversations both online and in real life.
As I’ve started sharing with people that I’m going to be wrapping this up, I’ve heard the same comments a number of times. So, before I close, I’ll answer one more set of meta questions about advice, and this column, and where we go from here.
Why are you ending your column?
Fourteen years is a long time to do anything, and while I’ve loved (almost) every minute of this particular gig, the time just feels right to bring things to a natural close.
Why did you start writing this column in the first place?
In 2011, the year I turned 30 and became a mother, I started a “Shabbat blog,” where I wrote about all my Shabbat meals for an entire year. The blog gained something of a following — from people who wanted to see baby pictures, yes, but even more from people who were looking for connection, inspiration, and, most of all, recipes. The following year, the blog became a communal endeavor and a different friend wrote about their Shabbat meals every week during 2012. Around that time, some colleagues who worked at the Philadelphia Jewish Exponent approached me about starting a parenting blog since I’d moved on from my Shabbat blog. I wasn’t especially interested in airing quite that much of myself, so I pitched an advice column instead, and the rest is literally history. I was delighted by the warm welcome I received from TCJewfolk in 2023 and that I was able to expand my audience beyond Philadelphia.
Why an advice column, though?
I genuinely, earnestly love people and all their weird, quirky issues. And people and their weird, quirky issues love me. Which is to say, for as long as I can remember, people have asked me for advice and have been, more often than not, receptive to what I’ve had to say. Also, I adore reading advice columns, the many different approaches that different columnists take towards similar issues, and the fact that obviously I always think I know better.
What are your favorite questions you’ve answered over the years?
I’ve answered more questions about difficult toddlers, difficult in-laws, and difficult work situations than I could possibly count. Same for questions about holiday observances, gift-giving, and differences in religious opinions. Once I answered a question about whether having sex in a sukkah was part of the mitzvah of sleeping in a sukkah, and I had to call in rabbinic reinforcements to help me answer. Before my family had ever been to Disney World, I answered a question about planning a vacation there, and then I consulted my own crowd-sourced column when my family traveled to Orlando for the first time. I wrote about my son’s birth and both of my children’s BMitzvahs. I’ve written about weddings and funerals and Christmas trees and circumcision and giving tzedakah. I’ve written about a person’s partner who only ever wore one sock around the house and what to do when someone gives you proselytizing snack food. All told, I think I’ve written somewhere in the ballpark of 700 columns, and I can only remember one where I didn’t think the question was written in good faith. Almost always, the one I’ve written most recently is my favorite.
Are you no longer giving advice, or just no longer writing it?
Please. If you’ve met me, or if you’ve ever read this column before today, I think you’ll know that giving advice is like breathing for me. While I try not to give unsolicited advice (I really, really do try), for the people who know how to reach me personally, my proverbial well is always open.
Are you starting another writing project?
Not right now! For now, I’m planning to spend my time outside of work parenting two teenagers, being a boring middle-aged person without weekly writing deadlines, reading a lot of books, and attempting to clear my mind every once in a while. Maybe I’ll get restless eventually, but maybe it’ll be just right.
Any final overly sentimental thoughts to share?
The title Miriam’s Advice Well was meant to be a cute and punny reference to the Jewish nature of the column and the never-ending supply of advice there is to seek and to give. But just as Miriam’s Well sustained the Israelites in the desert, this column has truly been a source of joy and nourishment for me these years, and, I hope, for many of you, my readers.
Thank you for coming on this journey with me, and be well,
Miriam