Ask Shuli: from a Parent – Sex Time

Ask Shuli Spark

Dear Shuli: I haven’t lost interest in sex with my spouse, but after a long day of work and running after the kids, it’s tough to summon the energy. How can we make time for each other and keep the spark in our marriage?

–Tired twosome

Dear Twosome: A good friend gave me some excellent advice on this point right after I had my first daughter: She suggested that I set some kind of “curfew” for sex, to let my husband know that if he wanted some intimacy and fun in bed, we’d have to head for the bedroom soon after the kids go to bed –- or by 9 p.m. at the latest. That way, we knew we’d have energy for each other at the end of the day. I suggest you follow this advice, if at all possible.

Don’t pressure yourself to keep up a “quota” for sex at least a couple times a week, but don’t give up on it either. Parenthood—especially with little kids in the house—is notorious for torpedoing your libido. Don’t let it happen—and remember that your partner is your most important ally. The dishes and laundry, for the most part, can wait!

I know it seems boring or too structured, but try to set a time of night when you know you’ll be available to your partner, and not just sacked out in front of the TV. If all else fails, leave the kids with the grandparents or a babysitter and get away for an in-town vacation, even if it’s just one night away in a hotel. Marriage takes work, and that includes your sex life.

Nu? Have a question? Don’t be shy—ask Shuli. Write me at AskShuli@TCJewfolk.com

(Photo: Trevor J DeGlopper)

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About Ask Shuli

“Ask Shuli” is TC Jewfolk’s yiddishe equivalent of Dear Abby or our favorite, Ask Amy, with a healthy dose of guilt sprinkled in. If you’ve ever wondered how the hell (sorry, momala) to explain Simchat Torah to your non-Jewish boss, ask Shuli. Or, is pre-marital sex good for the Jews? Or, how to introduce your Lutheran boyfriend to the family? Ask Shuli: [email protected]

Comments. Add Yours!

One comment

  1. Shuli,

    Good points. I think one of the biggest problems is that many women – and it IS mostly women – feel the dishes and laundry need to be done prior to carnal fulfillment. This can’t be further from the truth.

    Keep up the good work!

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