I recently wrote lists of things I wish I’d known before I’d had kids, lists of items that I learned through experience in the newborn and toddler stages of my children’s lives. Apparently I have a lot of these lessons so I’m back again with a preschool version!
First, I’d like to note how I define “preschool.” I usually think of this age as being approximately three to five years old. Since some kids have tendencies a little before or after these ages, I’m giving a squishy definition to allow for individual development.
Curiosity is key.
This age group of kids has amazing imagination and curiosity. Supporting and expanding upon their play and interests helps their development, but also encourages your relationship to continue to grow in new ways. It’s also a super fun way to get to know their personality as it unfolds, and a great excuse to play with toys. If you don’t mind, I’ll be over here, digging in the dirt.
Encouraging curiosity gives kids a mind that raises questions and boosts interest in a variety of topics, both of which Judaism encourages. Allowing them to lead where their interests take them fuels their curiosity.
They’re not babies anymore.
I’m a little embarrassed to admit this, but when one of my kids was about three years old, I arrived to pick them up at preschool during snack time and was surprised to learn they could drink from an open cup. It had simply never occurred to me to try giving them an open cup. Looking for opportunities to allow them to try new things, within the confines of safety and their approximate developmental ability, gives them the idea that you trust them and that it’s okay to try new things.
I sometimes think about HaShem watching us and just observing to see what we can and will do when given the freedom to try. Granted, we can get up to some mischief, but we can also do quite a bit of good. Allow children this space to try.
Development is unique to each child.
This is the stage when you start to see some bigger differences among kids in their interests and abilities. It’s important to remember that development follows a typical trajectory, but is unique to each child. At the same time, if you have concerns, talk to your health care provider. I have known lots of families who had concerns and felt better after talking with their doctor or getting an evaluation, but I’ve also known families who wished they had started the process sooner because they had a hunch about a developmental delay or disability but brushed it off. Early intervention is key and there’s no reason to wait.
Our neshamot (souls; singular neshama) are equally unique. It stands to reason that our cognitive, physical, and spiritual development will all follow our own timelines and trajectories. But as we seek Torah and community for our spiritual development, seeking expert advice for other areas of development is equally important.
Support their independence.
Some days the “I do it myself!” can be a lot, especially when you are trying to get out the door in a timely manner. Try to build time into your day for them to do things on their own, their own way. Let them do household chores, let them try new things, and let them fail and keep trying. The only thing that is harder than watching them fail now is having a kid who needs you to do everything for them five years from now.
It will also build shalom bayit, peace in the home, the more you practice it. Having each person contribute their special gifts is an important lesson in being part of a Jewish family.
Take the long view. The days are long but the years are short.
These years are likely the last times that your child will be solely on your schedule – in a few short years, your family will be beholden to a school year calendar, in a formal classroom, with growing interest in their peers and less in playing pretend. Savor these times as you continue to grow your bond and help them understand their Judaism. Remember that Judaism is lived, and that each of us is a Jew by choice, making the choices day by day that shape who we are and how we show up in the world. Continue teaching them our values and remind them what a gift they are to you and to our global Jewish family.
