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Dear Miriam,
My mother loves fresh flowers, and she expects them for every birthday and Mother’s Day. I fundamentally think they’re a waste of money. Do I need to buy them for her anyway?
Signed,
Buying the Bouquet
Dear Buying,
In the scheme of things, how much money are you really spending on flowers? And how does that expense compare to the lifetime costs your mother invested in raising you? Buy your mother the flowers, and do so graciously and non-begrudgingly, and without sharing your opinion of this gift.
That said, you don’t have to buy her the most expensive arrangements the florist has to offer. Consider getting her a smaller bouquet and putting some additional money towards flower donations. There are organizations, for example, that give Mother’s Day flowers to victims of domestic violence who are living in shelters. There are ways to donate flowers to hospital patients, nursing homes, and others who may not receive regular gifts of any sort who could benefit from knowing someone out there is offering support. Maybe this would make you feel better about the expense and would also be meaningful to both you and your mother.
You could also consider giving your mother live plants. This might be more of an investment of time than she’s looking for, but a flowering plant that blooms year after year could be an ongoing reminder of how much she is loved. Depending on her living arrangements, perhaps something that could be planted in the yard as an enduring gift would also be meaningful and could check off the right boxes for her while also feeling better for you. Unless she is an avid gardener, though, a gift like this should include someone (maybe even you) to do the manual labor of planting.
Of course, there are also other options: fake flowers, crochet flowers, Lego flowers. But would she like these? You may want to consider asking her before going in this direction. You could also consider a flower arranging class, perhaps that the two of you go to together. Or, think about whether a flower subscription service of some kind would appeal to you, where you make the decision (and pay the cost) up front rather than having to think about this for every occasion.
But all these ideas aside, Mother’s Day is about her, not about you, and it’s not your place to convince her that the thing she wants doesn’t meet your standards. Think about all the toys she bought you that you’re not playing with anymore, or the clothes that no longer fit you. Then buy the flowers.
Be well,
Miriam